Hai Friends I am Rajesh Kumar.
Today I am sending Besutiful Messages To All.
All We Have Cell Phones Today. Which Is Very Useful For Our Friends.
1.A confusion has confused my mind which is already confused
with some confusion.I don't know why this confusion had
confused my confused mindIf my confusion had confused
ur mind thn try to get a solution for my confusion to rectify
my confused mind.If my confused msg din't confuse
u,b happy
2. When in life u wake up & u
dont see any one
then come to me
i will b there
2 hold ur hand &
take u 2 an
EYE specialist..........
3. Tum Ha Tum Gatar Ke suar, naali ke kedey,
aawara kutte, maleriya ke macchar, saand ke gobar, makhi ki
thook ke bacteria se door rehna mere dost. )
4. Have you ever seen a monkey wrapped in polythene.
No?
OK then see ur "IDENTITY CARD
5. Aapki ada, aapki smile, aapka chehra, aapka chalna,
aapka bolna, aapka sharmana, aapki zulfein, aapki aankhein,
aapka andaaz.... Uff koi cheez to kabil-e-taarif ho
6. As u go 2 bed tonite, I ordered bats 2 guard u tight. I told
some ghosts to dance in white and to make sure u r alright, I
will ask dracula 2 kiss ur neck and say Good Night
7. Hai Moon! Dim Your Light...
Hello Wind !
Breeze soft..
Hai flower!
Blossom Slowly..
Hello Earth!
spin gently..
Becoze My Dear is going to sleep!...
Good Night.
9. MERE SMS MILE?
NAHI MILE?
YEH LO....
SMS
SMS
SMS
LO CHOTE SMS
sms
sms
sms
YE LO REMIX
SmS
sMS
SmS
STYLISH WALE BHI LO
$M$
$M$
$M$
10. If god answers your prayer , He is increasing your faith. If He
delays He is increasing your patience. If He doesnt answer, He
knows you can handle it perfectly.
11. Baagon mein phool khilte rahenge, raat ko diye jalte rahenge
, dua hai khuda se aap kush rahe sada, baki tang to hum karte
rahenge
12. Ruthne ka haq aap rakhte hain,
Manane ki chahat hum rakhte hain,
aapke hothon pe muskurahat hamesha yu hi rahe,
Dua rab se har roj karte hai
13. I wish MOON always be FULL & BRIGHT.
And U always be COOL & RIGHT.
Whenever U go 2 Switch Off the LIGHT.
Remember that i'm Wishing U GOOD NIGHT
14. Collage mein school ki yaad aayi, Jawani mein bachpan ki yaad aayi , Kaanto ko
chua to phool ki yaad aayi, Tanha mehsus kiya to dost teri
yaad aayi .
15. Donot message me, donot dare to call me, donot even keep in touch....... want to know why????????.....
becoz my doctor advised me to keep yourself away from
sweet things..and U r the sweetest my friend..........
16. Those Saprkling Eyes
Those Marvelous Lips
A 100 Watt Smile
The Majestic Walk
The Cheerful Talk
Truly Charming Personality
Guess, That's Enough abt ME
.mai subah ko nashta nahy karta, kyuki mujhe uski yaad atii hai,.
mai dopahar ko khana nahy khata kyuki uski yaad atii hai,
mai raat ko khana nahy khata kyuki uski yaad atii hai, mai
raat ko nahy so pata kyuki bhook lagti hai
18. Luv is like a bird, if u hold it tightly it dies, if u hold it
slightly it flies, if u hold it correctly it shits in ur hand, so stay
away & enjoy life
19. meri har khata par naraz mat hona
apni pyari si muskaan kabhi mat khona
sukoon milta hai dekh kar aapki muskurahat ko
mujhe maot bhi aae to kabhi mat rona
20. Happiness keeps u Sweet; Trials Make u Strong;
Sorrows keep u Human; Failure makes u Humble;
Success keeps u glowing &
God keeps u going!
God Bless U!
21. Hayo Rabba!! Tussi so gaye? Inni jaldi? Ik mint ruko mainu
Gud night te bolan deo ji!! Gud Night hai ji ! O tussi chaho
to sweet dreams bhi dekh lena.
22. A Bouquet of wishes just for u
to wish u a happy bday
thts happy and bright
the whole day through
have a wonderful bday
---------------------------------------------------
Book khulte hai, Exam ka sama hota hai...
Aise mausam mein hi toh Dimak kharab hota hai...
Dimag ki baatien Paper pe nahi aati...
Yeh fasana toh Mark Sheet pe baya hota hai...
------------------------------------------------------
Idd ka chand mushkil se dikhta hai,
Laila ko majnu mushkil se milta hai,
Hum to SMS bhejte rehte hai par,
Aajkal aapka SMS mushkil se milta hai!
-------------------------------------------------------
Kya kar rahe ho?
Bizi ho?
Kitne bizi ho?
Thode ho ki bahut ho?
Agar thoda ho to SMS kyo nai karte ho?
Aur agar zyada ho to SMS kyo pad rahe ho
ayamat tak tujhe yaad karenge,
Teri har baat par aitbaar karenge,
Tujhe SMS karne ko to nahi kahenge,
Par tere SMS ka intezar karenge...
-----------------------------------------------------
Mere SMS ke charche jahan mein hone lage;
log mere diwane hone lage,
Khushnasib ho tum, jo tumhe SMS mila;
jise nahi mila wo, mobile patak patak ke rone lage!
-----------------------------------------------------
Pyar karnewale Pareshan ho jate hai,
Shadi karnewale Sharabi ban jate hai.
Devours dene wale Devdas ban jate hai.
Hum se Dosti karane wale,
SMS expert ho jate hai
-----------------------------------------------------
Ajanabi galiyo se hum gujra nahi karte,
Dard dil liya aur diya nahi karte,
Yeh dard ka rista sirf tumse hai,
Warna itne SMS hum kisiko kiya nahi karte..
wish i was tears in ur eyes
So that i could roll down ur cheek & die on ur lips...
& if u were a tear in my eye i would never cry for the fear of loosing u...!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The happiest people dont have evrythin in life...
They just make the BEST OF EVERYTHING that life brings their way!
STAY HAPPY!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
One day if u need your friend & there are 100 steps between us...
U take the 1st step to get near me , i will take all the 99 steps
to be there for u...!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Love says: "If u ever need enything, I'll be there."
Whereas Friendship says: "You'll never need anythin; if i'll be there."
U R the one who is CHARMING
U R the one who is INTELLIGENT
U R the one who is CUTE
And
I am the One who is spreading these RUMOURS
-------------------------------------------------
I saw U on the road that day
U Were Looking so fine
Ur Face So Divine
Ur Walk So Perfect
My Heart Started to Sing a Sweet Song??????.
WHO LET THE DOGS OUT
-------------------------------------------------
A - U r Attractive
B - U r the Best
C - U r Cute
D - U r Dear 2 Me
E - U r Excellent
F - U r Funny
G - U r Good-Looking
H - hehehe
I - I'm
J - JOKING
-------------------------------------------------
Another MOON ? ..........Possible
Another SUN ? ..............Possible
Another SKY ? ................Possible
Another Friend Like U ? .........Impossible
'coz GOD can't make the same MISTAKE twice
--------------------------------------------------
Roses are RED
Violets are BLUE
Monkeys Like U
Should be kept in the ZOO
Dont Worry, u'll find me there TOO
Not in the Cage, but LAUGHING AT U
--------------------------------------------------
U r the ACCENT of my Life,
ALTO of my Dreams,
IKON of my Eyes,
ZEN of my Thoughts,
INDICA of my Joy,
LANCER of my Heart.
Can anyone clear this TRAFFIC JAM plzz
--------------------------------------------------
Those Saprkling Eyes
Those Marvelous Lips
A 100 Watt Smile
The Majestic Walk
The Cheerful Talk
Truly Charming Personality
Guess, That's Enough abt ME
--------------------------------------------------
so Sweet is ur SMILE???
so Sweet is ur STYLE???
so Sweet is ur VOICE???
so Sweet is ur EYE?????
see .......how Sweetly I LIE
--------------------------------------------------
U Look at the Ocean, see GOD's Abundance !
U Look at the Sky, see GOD's Wonder !
U Look at the Moon, see GOD's Glory !
And when U Look at the Mirror, see GOD's BLUNDER !!
Muje dard-e-ishq ka maza malum hai,
dard-e-dil ki inteha malum hai,
zindgi bhar muskrane Ki dua na Dena muje,
Muje pal Bhar muskrane Ki saza malum hai
Aaj phir se aankhe naam kyun hai,
Jo paya nahi use khone ka gum kyun hai.
Unse milkar bichhde to ehsaas hua ke,
Zindagi itni kam kyun hai.
TUM DOOR JAKAR ITNA ETRA RAHE HO....
KABHI HUM GAYE TO BHULA NAA SAKOGE...
HASNA JISE AADAT SAMAJH RAHE HO HAMARI..
KABHI HUM ROYE TO HASANA SAKOGE
Haatho se gir gayi kakiren kahi,
Bhul aaye hum apni takdire kahi...
Agar tumko mile kahi to utha lena,
Mere hisse ki har khushi apne haatho me saja lena....
Saahil se milkar bhi kinare nahi milte,
Dhunde bhi to sahare nahi milte...
Jaane woh log hi kyon dil mein utar jaate hain,
Aksar jinse kismat ke sitare nahi milte...
HOTI NAHI HAIN MOHABBAT SURAT SE,
MOHABBAT TO DILSE HOTI HAIN....
SURAT UNAKI KHUD BA KHUD LAGATI HAIN PYARI....
KADAR JINAKI DILME HOTI HAIN
Jeena chahte hain magar zindagi raas nahi aati,
Marna chahte hain magar maut paas nahi aati,
Bahut udaas hain hum is zindagi se,
Aur unki yaadein bhi to tadpaane se baaz nahi aati.
Dil se yeh dua hai hamari,Zindagi tumhari sanwar jaye...
Har nazar mein bas pyar nazar aaye,
Tumhe jiski talaash hai DOST,
Khuda kare woh khud tumhari talaash mein aaye
Chupke se chand ki roshni aapki ho jaaye,
Dheere se hawa aapko kuch keh jaaye...
Dil se jo chahte ho wo maang lo Khuda se,
Hum bhi dua karenge ki woh aapka ho jaaye.
Tumhari yadon ko rok pana hai mushkil,
rote hue dil ko manana hai muskil,
ye dil apko kitna yad krta hai,
ek sms me likh pana hai mushkil
Mere Honton ke mehaktay hue naghmo par na ja
Mere seenay main kaye aur bhi ghum paltay hain
Mere chehray par dikhaway ka tabassum hai magar
Meri aankhon main udaasi kay diye jalte hain
Ek khwab ek khayal ek haquikat ho tum,
dosti main padne wali har zarorat ho tum...
jisko roz miss karo,
Are yaar aisi shaqshiyat ho tum
Baat rakhi dil me baat kahe na sake;
yaad kiya aapko to saans le na sake;
puchha kisine dilko k tune pyar kis se kiya;
jaante the, phirbhi tumhara nam le nasake.
u.
Height of Communication Gap
Mr.Verma comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his
neck:
"I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a
baby!
The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we
can't tell anybody."
The next day, Mrs.Verma receives a telephone call from AEC (Ahmedabad
Electric Company) because the electricity bill has not been paid.
"Am I speaking to Mrs.Verma?"
"Yes...... speaking"
AEC guy, "You're a month overdue, you know!"
"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.
"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the AEC guy .
"What are you saying? It's in your files ...... HOW ?????"
" Yes ............. We have a system of finding out who's overdue "
" GOD !!!!!!......... this is too much.........."
"Madam, I am sorry...... I am following orders.... I have to inform you
are overdue"
"I know that ....... let me talk to my husband about this tonight. ....
he
will speak to your company tomorrow "
That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a
bull, rushes to AEC office the next day morning.
"What's going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue?
What
business is that of yours?" the husband shouts.
"Just calm down," says the lady at the reception at AEC, "it's nothing
serious. All you have to do is pay us."
"PAY you? and if I refuse?"
"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."
"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.
"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."
same one is this r old but nice......njoy
Sardar: I hav'nt slept all nite in the train.
>>Friend: Y?
>>Sardar: Got upper berth.
>>Friend: Y did'nt u Xchnged?
>>Sardar: oye, there was nobody 2 Xchng in the lower Berth..
>>
>>2 .
>>Sardar tells a girl "Come 2 my house at night,nobody Will b
>>there.............
>>Girl goes at night & really nobody was there.
>>
>>3 .
>>A SARDAR went 2 a BANK to open a S.B. A/C.After seeing the Form He
>>had gone to DELHI for Filling up. U knows y?
>>FORM said "FILL UP IN CAPITAL ".
>>
>>4 .
>>A sardar invested 2 Lakhs in a business and Suffered huge Loss.
>>Do u know what the business was? . . . . . He opened a Saloon in
>>Punjab!.
>>
>>5 .
>>A Teacher lecturing on population - In India afterEvery 10 sec a
>>women gives birth to a kid.
>>A Sardar
>>stands up- we must find & stop her!.
>>
>>6 .
>>Sardar-why r all these people running?
>>Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
>>Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r others running?
>>
>>7 .
>>Sardar had twins; he named them Tin & Martin.
>>Again had twins & named Peter & Repeater.
>>again twins & named Max & Climax.
>>Again d same. disgusted Sardar named them TIRED&RETIRED!
>>
>>8 .
>>19 SARDARS WENT 4A FILM.ON ASKING THEM Y THEY CAME IN A BIG GROUP
>>OF 19?
>>THEY REPLIED THAT THE FILM WAS ONLY FOR ABOVE 18...
>>
>>9 .
>>A sardharji photographer focusing a dead body's face in a funeral
>>function, suddenly all relatives beat him why?
>>He said "SMILE PLEASE"
>>
>>10 .
>>Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future
>>tense.
>>Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".
>>
>>11
>>..
>>Srdr gets ready ,wears tie, coat ,goes out, climbs tree, sits on
>>the branch regularly. A man asks why he does this.
>>Srdr:"I've been promoted as branch manager."
>>
>>12 .
>>Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open
>>mouth................. WHY?
>>because his doctor advised him "Todays dinner should be light"
>>
>>13.
>>Sardarji was filling up application form for a job.
>>He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary
>>Expected".
>>After much thought he wrote :Yes!
>>
>>14.
>>SARDAR & FAMILY GO 2 A PARTY. HE INTRODUCES HIMSELF - I
>>SARDAR,SHE SARDARNEE,
>>THE BOY MY KID & THE GIRL MY KIDNEY....
>>
>>15.
>>One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college.U knw
>>Why?
>>Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...
>>
>>16.
>>Sardar told his servant: Go and water the
>>plants.
>>Servant: It"s already raining.
>>Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.
>>
>>17.
>>Santa! Your daughter has died! Depressed, Sardar jumps from 100th
>>floor
>>At 50th floor he remembers I don't have a daughter!At 25flr:I'm
>>unmarried!
>>At 10flr:I'm Banta not santa
>>
>>18.
>>ON A ROMANTIC DATE SARDARS GIRL FRIEND ASKS HIM,DARLING ON OUR
>>ENGAGEMENT WILL U GIVE ME A RING?
>>HE SAID YA SURE WHATS YOUR PHONE NUMBER.
>>
>>19.
>>Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever - What
>>will come first, Chicken or egg?
>>O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.
>>
>>20.
>>A dog was chasing a Sardar and the Sardar was laughing.
>>A bystander: why are u laughing?
>>Sardar: I have a Airtel cell phone but still hutch network is
>>following me.
>>
>>21.
! We"ll apply NEXT YEAR
>>
>>29) Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die lik my grandpa who died
>>peacefuly in his sleep not screamin like all d passengers in d car
>>he was driving..
>>
>>31) Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing
>>is what you call modern art ?
>>Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!
>>
>>32) Sardar was writing something very slowly. Friend asked:" Why r
>>u writing so slowly?
>>Sardar: "I'm writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
>>
>>33) Sardar news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab
>>Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging
>>for more..
>>
>>34)A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening
>>not in the morning.
>>Sardarjireplied "Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM".
>>
>>35) Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital. Man says CHIN
>>YU YAN n dies.
>>Srdr goes2 china 2 find meaning of friends last words. It is 'U R
>>STANDNG ON D OXGN TUBE!"
>>
>>36)Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes
>>closed. His wife asked what you are doing ?
>>He said-im seeing how i look while sleeping.
POK ( Pakistan Occupied Kashmir) kaa masla dhang se hal nahee ho rahaa thaa. Musharraf aur Manmohan ne faisla kiya ke hindustan aur pakistan ke beech main shaayari ka muqaabla ho jaaye. Jo jeetega POK uski hogee. Border kay dono taraf dono desh ke shaayar muqaablay ke liye ekathaa ho jaate hain
Pehle pakistan kalaam karta hai. Ustaad Rehmaan Ali karachiwaale arz karte hain...
"naa zameen thee naa aasmaan thaa"
"naa zameen thee naa aasmaan thaa"
"Pakistaan kay shahenshaah ki hukke ki raakh se dhartee banee aur dhooyain se aasamaan"
Waah waah pakistan main to phataake wataake phootne lag jaate hain.
India ke saare shaayar ke tattay tight ho jaatay hain. Kisi ke paas koi jawaab nahin
Tab santa singh khada hota hai...
Main kuch arz karoon....
Sab bolte hain gaand to lagee padi hai....chal santa tuhee kuch kar
Santa bolta hai..
"naa zameen thee naa aasmaan thaa"
sab santa ko maarne lagte hain..."saala copy karta hai"
santa bolta hai yaaron suno shair poora to karne do....
santa bolta hai...
"naa zameen thee naa aasmaan thaa"
"naa zameen thee naa aasmaan thaa"
"to jab naa zameen thee naa aasmaan thaa...."
"to phir pakistan ka shahenshaah mere lund pe baithaa thaa ???"
Do pal ki bhi khushi na mili to kya hua
umar bhar gam ke sahare ji lenge,
Kya hua jo hamari girlfriend nahi,
hum aapki girlfriend ke sahare jeelenge.
har karz dosti ka kon ada kary ga..
Jab hum na rahy to dosti kon kary ga
aye khuda mery doston ko salamat rakhna.
warna meri shadi main dance kon kary ga
not mine
Hum khuda say dua karty hain
kay wo app jaisa dost or na banyee.
Ek cartoon jaisi chez hai humary pass
kahin wo bhi comon na ho jaye..
shamm hoti hai ye dil udass hota haii
tooty khawab kay siwaakuch na pass hota hai
tumari yaad aisy waqt bohat ati hai
Bandar jab koi ass pass hota hai
I C ur face when m dreamin`
dats y i wake up screaming
Promise mE ..we are true frds
M lamp u r light
M coke u r sprite
M sawan u r Badal
M Normal u r pagal
M water u r tanki
m tarzan u r MONKEY
Do pal ki bhi khushi na mili to kya hua umr bhar gam ke sahare ji lenge,
Kya hua jo hamari girlfriend nahi, hum aapki girlfriend ke sahare ji lenge.
Kya lekar aaya tha?
Kya lekar jayega?
Mujhe SMS na karke zaalim,
Tu kitna chillar bachayega?
Dil ka dard dil todne wale kya jane,
Pyar ke rivazon ko zamana kya jane,
Hoti hai kitni takleef ladki patane mein,
Ye ghar pe baitha ladki ka baap kya jaane.
Bazu-o-mein dum rakhta hun,
Dil mein gum rakhta hun,
Pata tha SMS ayega tera,
Isliye DISPRIN sang rakhta hun
Message pe message bhejte ho,
bhej bhej ke bheja kharab karte ho,
bhejte bhi ho to bhejte ho,
khud ka bheja to chalta nahin,
doosron ka bheja hua bhejte ho!
Tuhaar chehra Moti samaan, Tuhaar chehra Moti samaan, Tuhaar chehra Moti samaan, Moti hamaar kutte ka naam!
Rok deo mere janaze nu mere vich jaan aa gai hai,
Saalthiyo peeche mudh ke dekho SHARAB di dukan aa gai hai….CHEER
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho... Kuch nahi yaar bas aapki shakal yaad aa gayi!
S!
Tere Dar pe, Arz kiya hian ki
tere der pe sanam hazar baar ayengey,
tere der pe sanam hazar baar ayengey,
Ghanti bajayengey aur bhaag jayengey.
Ki kariye lokan da, har gal nu lok jhamela kehnde ne,
Je sms na kariye ta kanjoos, te je kariye ta Vehla kehnde ne!
Fill in the blank with yes or NO only.
_______I M NOT A Male.
Koi jaldi nahin hai, aaram se soch kar bata dena.
Paani mein Whiskey milao ta nasha chadta hai. Paani mein Rum milao to nasha chadta hai. Paani mein Brandy milao to nasha chadta hai. Saala paani mein hi kuch gadbad hai.
Can't believe after all the shit they have been through they're still together............Who?
Your bum cheeks!!
I think I should tell you what people are saying behind your back.……. Nice Ass!!!
Chand pe kaali ghata chhati to hogi,
sitaron ko hansi to aati hogi.
Tum lakh chhupao dunya se
magar akele me tumhe apni sakal pe hansi aati to hogi.
------
When words fail...eyes work,
when eyes fail... heart works,
and when heart fails... to kya?,
samajh le TAPAK gaya 'MAAMU
-----
Teacher: Four beautiful girls are walking on the road.
Change it to exclamatory sentence.
Student: WOW !
-----
Why is Industrial growth so slow in TAMILNADU & KERALA?
Because 86% of the work time is spent on lifting,folding,holding & re-tying the LUNGI.
-----
A sardar went 2 radio shop and started shouting
"kamino maine philips ka radio maanga tha
aur isko ON kiya to yeh bolta hai yeh all india radio hai".
-----
Robin, Doctor se: Help me, mein jab baat karta hun to mujhe sirf awaaz sunai deti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta.
Dr: Aaisa kab hota hai?
Robin: Phone karte waqt.
-----
Wah re gandhi kaise chali teri aandhi ,
wah re gandhi kaise chali teri aandhi
aaya tha longot main
pahoonch gaya paanch soo ki note main.
-----
GF is beauty & wife is duty,
GF is springroll & wife is dabbagol,
gf is chuski & wife is risky,
gf is tootifrooty & wife is kismat futy
-----
Rules for exam:
Har sawaal se datkar ladna,
Fekne mein kami na karna,
Mauka mile to aage peeche bhi dekhna
Aur ek baat yaad rakhna, aage wale ka paper apna hi samajhna.
-----
Jab aap hanste hain to lagta hai
ki insaan kabhi bandar tha.
Are aap to naraaz hi ho gae,
Jab aap naraaz hote hain to lagta hai
ki insaan aaj bhi bandar hai.
top 5 friendship quotes ......comments are highly appreciated and plz rate....njoy...........
5.when it hurts to look back and youre scared to look ahead
you can look beside and your best friend will be there
============================================
4.if you should die before me
ask if you can bring a friend
==========================================
3.good friends are hard to find , harder to leave and impossible to forget
=================================================
2.a simpe friend hates it when you call after he has gone to bed
a real friend asks you why you took so long to call
==================================================
1.anyone can stand by you when you are right but a friend will stand by you even when you are wrong
top 5 funny quotes............comments are highly appreciated .....and plz rate.....njoy.........
5.sex is sensation caused by temptation when a man puts his location in a womens destination.do you get my explanation or do you need a demonstration?
=========================================
4.sex is evil
evil is sin
sin can be forgiven
so lets begin!
==============================
3.first the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering
==============================================
2.love is a name
sex is a game
forget the name
and play the game
=============================================
1.when an apple is green, its ready to pluck
when a girl is sixteen, she is ready to fuck
top friendship poem.........comments are highly appreciated.....and plz rate.......njoy...........
FRIENDS FOREVER
written with a pen
sealed with a kiss
if you are my friend
then please tell me this
are we friends or are we not
you told me once but i forgot
so tell me now and tell me true
so i can say, i am here for you
of all the friends i've ever met
you are the one i wont forget
and if i die before you do
i'll go to heaven and wait for you...............
================================================
bonus:
never walk in front of me
cuz you may leave my behind
and never walk behind me
cuz i may leave you behind
but always walk beside me
so that no one will be left behind
top friendship poem.........comments are highly appreciated.....and plz rate.......njoy...........
FRIENDS FOREVER
written with a pen
sealed with a kiss
if you are my friend
then please tell me this
are we friends or are we not
you told me once but i forgot
so tell me now and tell me true
so i can say, i am here for you
of all the friends i've ever met
you are the one i wont forget
and if i die before you do
i'll go to heaven and wait for you...............
================================================
bonus:
never walk in front of me
cuz you may leave my behind
and never walk behind me
cuz i may leave you behind
but always walk beside me
so that no one will be left behind
TOP 5 FUNNY JOKES.....SOME OF THEM ARE OLD ONES I GUESS.....COMMENTS ARE HIGHLY APPRECIATED AND YAA...PLZ RATE....NJOY.....
5. taxi driver: lady , you are the 3rd pergnant women who i am taking to airport.
lady: sorry but i am not pregnant
driver: but we havent reached the airport yet !
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4.Hi! Need one girl to marry... Age no bar, color no bar, height no bar, caste no bar...but SEX.......bar bar ........hazar .........lagatar
===============================================
3.What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?
================================================== =
2.Jodhpur jail ordered the purchase order of 999 shirts n 1000 pants for inmates. Guess y this odd combination?
Salman Khan is coming
================================================
1.Q. What did the penis say to the condom?
A. Cover me im going in!
================================================== =====
top 5 love quotes...........comments are highly appreciated ........and plz rate.......njoy........
5.you come to love not by finding the prefect person
but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly
====================================
4.I've learned that you cannot make someone love you
all you can do is be someone who can be loved
the rest is upto them
=====================================
3.never love a love that hurts
never hurt a love that loves
==================================
2.all of my life i was afraid that i would never find love
now that i've found it, i'm afraid that i will loose it
=============================
1.i soughy for love
but love ran away from me
i sought my soul
but my soul couldn't see
then i sought you
and i found all three
here is goes............
1.Legs utha ke karo.
Tange feala ke karo.
Ghuma ghuma ke karo.
Aage peechey dono taraf karo.
Jitna karoge utna halka mehsoos hoga.
*Ramdev ji ka yoga.
------------------------------------
2.Ladki ek aisi paheli hai, kabhi teri to kabhi meri saheli hai.
Kharcha karo to bole "darling, how are you?". Na karo to bole "brother, who are you?".
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3.Kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai, aaj nahin aaya, kaha na kabhi kabhi aata hai
-----------------------------------
4.Arz kiya hai... tuhaar chehraa moti samaan... tuhaar chehraa moti samaan... moti hamaar kutte ka naam.
------------------------------------------------------------
5.Tu chand mange me chand dedu, tu raat mange me raat dedu, tu dil
mange me dil dedu, tu jaan mange... Bas yaar Bhik mangne ki bhi
ek limit hoti hai..
hey guys dis is my collections i juss wanna share it wid u guys hope u lyk it
Aap ko miss karna to roz ki baat hai
App ko yaad karna to adat ki baat hai
App se dur rehna to kismat ki baat hai
Magar aap ko jhalna himmat ki baat hai
Bewafa tum ho to Wafadar hum bhi nahin
Besharam tum ho to Sharamdar hum bhi nahin
Pyaar ke is mode par ake kethe ho Shaadi Shuda ho
To kya hua Darling Kuware hum bhi nahin....!!
Dur se dekha to kuch dekha nahin
dur se dekha to kuch dekha nahin
Pas jake dekha to kuch tha hi nahin.........
Ek ladki ko dekha to Aisa laga
Dusri ladki ko dakha to vaisa laga
Jab dono kr joote laga
to ek jaisa laga
har karz Dosti ka ada
kon karega jab na rahe dosti kon karega
yea Khuda mere dost ko salamat rakhna
warna meri shaadi mein dance kon karega
Log ishq karte hain
bade shor ke saat
humne bhi kiya
bade zor ke saat
magar ab karenge thoda gaur ke saat
kyon ki kaal usko dekha kisi aur ke saath
Sharab samaj ke ek dushman hai
Aao milke kasam khaye is dushman ko khatam karenge
ek bottle tum khatam karo
ek bottle hum karenge
Woh ladki kitni pyaari thi
jisko aankh mari thi
woh sendal kitni bhaari thi
jo us ne sar par maari thi
a book is not a book widout a cover
a lyk is not a lyf widout a lover
a lover may make u realize how wonderful the world is
but it's a friend who makes u realize how wonderful u r to da world
• A French in a hotel in NY, phoned room service for some pepper.
Attendant: Black pepper or white pepper?
French: Toilette pepper!
• Manmohan Singh: We are sending Indians to the moon next year!
Bush: Wow! How many?
Manamohan: 25 OBC, 25 SC, 20 ST, 5 Handicapped, 5 Sports Persons, 5 Terrorist Affected, 5 Kashmiri Migrants, 9 Politicians & if possible 1 Astronnaut
• Girl's excuses: Phone mat kiya karo dear, mom hoti hai near, papa se lagta hai fear, baat nahin hoti hai clear. Isliye SMS kiya karo dear without fear n very clear
• Naukrani: Malkin aap udaas kyon hain?
Malkin: Tumhare sahab apne office ki kisi ladki se pyaar karte hai.
Naukrani: Nahin, sahab mujhe dhokha nahin de sakte
• Train mein TT Sadhu se bola: Kahan jana hai?
Sadhu: Jahan Ram ka janam hua tha.
TT: Ticket hai?
Sadhu: Nahin
TT: Chalo
Sadhu: Kahan?
TT: Jahan Krishan ka janam hua tha.. Jail mein
• Gud Morning... Kindly observe SILENCE for two minutes in the memory of those poor mosquitoes who died last night after sucking ur blood. Thanks
• I'd climb the highest mountain. I'd swim the ocean blue, I'd do anything my dear- Just to get away from you
• When things go wrong, when sadness fills ur heart, when tears flow in ur eyes, always remember 3 things: I’m with u, U have money & Bar is open
• In a class, teacher asked: If I buy an item@ 12.75 n sell@15.25, it's loss or profit?
Pappu: Profit in rupees & loss in paise
• Some dead people went to hell & were glad after seeing the board on gate. Why?
Because it reads: NO SEATS EXCEPT FOR SC/ST/OBC
• Similarity between Gandhiji & Mallika?
Dono ne kapde tyag diye, ek ne desh ke liye, doosre ne Deshwasion ke liye!
• Ap ki awaz KOYAL Jaisi, Aankhain HIRAN Jaisi, Chaal MOR jaisi, Aadtain BANDAR Jaisi. Acha hota agar koi ek cheez Insanon Wali Bhi Hoti
• Bhikhari: Saab 1 rupaya de do.
Saheb: Kal aana.
Bhikhari: Saala is kal kal ke chakkar mein is colony mein mere lakhon rupaye fase huye hain
• Judge: U r crossing the limits.
Lawyer: Kaun Saala aisa kehta hai?
Judge: How dare you call me saala?
Lawyer: My Lod, I said kaun 'Sa Law' kehta hai?
• Mohabbat 1 bar ho jaye us ko bholapan kehtay hain, 2 bar ho jaye us ko dewaanapan kehtay hain, 3 bar hoo jaye us ko pagalpan kehtay hain, agar phir bhi na rukhay to use kameenapan kehtay hai
• Jodhpur jail ordered the purchase order of 999 shirts n 1000 pants for inmates. Guess y this odd combination?
Salman Khan is coming
• May our friendship turn into silver, silver into gold, gold into diamonds... and may our diamonds be forever... Then we'll sell it OK? Fifty-Fifty
• FOOL se, FOOL ne, FOOLon ki FOOLwari me FOOL ke sath wish kiya 'You are the most beautiFOOL, colorFOOL & wonderFOOL amongst all FOOLS
• Population slogan in Bihar: Hum Do Hamare Do, Unke Baad Jitne Bhi Hon, Sabko Punjab aur Haryana bhej do
• Three dreams of a man: To be as handsome as his mother thinks. To be as rich as his child believes. To have as many women as his wife suspects
Mere marne ke baad mere doston,
Yun aansoo na bahana,
Agar meri yaad aaye to,
Sidhe upar chale aana!
--------------------------
BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick .
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".
2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".
3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".
4) Waiter :- Would you like to Have BLACK COFFEE..
COUSTOMER : "What other colors do you have?"
5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".
7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated"
.
Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".
10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".
11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."
12) Teacher : " George Washington no! t only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand
how to identify cities in INDIA??
Scenario 1
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a fourth and they start arguing about who's right.
You are in Kolkata
Scenario 2
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them and walks
on.
That's Mumbai
Scenario 3
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along & tries to make peace.The first two get together & beat him up.
That's Delhi
Scenario 4
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly opens a chai-stall
That's Ahmedabad.
Scenario 5
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes he writes a software program to stop the fight. But the fight doesn't stop b'cos of a bug in the program.
That's Bangalore
Scenario 6
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and
quietly says that "AMMA" doesn't like all this nonsense. Peace comes in.
That's Chennai.
Scenario 7
Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call their friends on mobile. Now 50 guys are fighting.
You are in PUNJAB.
Nice Words!
One day, little Suzie was strolling around the house and just happened to pass by her sister's room. She heard her sister say on the phone to her boy friend"Your such an ass!" and she hung up.Suzie asked what ass had meant and her sister sayin"Uh... it means... uhh.. boyfriend!". Suzie is delighted to hear a new nice word.
Then,She was walking past the bathroom where her dad was shaving. Her dad had cut himself and yelled "SHIT!" Then turniing around saw little Suzie ask what shit means. Dad, being quite shocked answered"It uhh.. It.. It means shaving cream."
Then, Suzie walked downstairs to help her mom with the dinner turkey. Suzie's dad's boss was coming to dinner tonight.
When Suzie went in the kitchen, her mom accidently cut herself yelled"FUCK!". Suzie asked what fuck meant and mom replied" it..it..it uummm...it means cut... yeah, cut." Just as mom said that, the doorbell rang and asked Suzie to go and get it.
When Suzie opened the door, her dad's boss was standing there. Boss asked" Well hello young lady! Can I ask where your family is?" Then Suzie said" Well, my sister's upstairs talking to her ass on the phone, my dad's in the bathroom wiping the shit off his face and my mom's in the kitchen fucking the turkey!"
WIFE OF A SOFTWARE ENGINEER
Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.
Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.
Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.
Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.
Wife - at least give me your credit card,
I can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.
Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.
Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.
Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to
Reboot.
Wife - what is the relation between you & your
Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.
Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.
Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.
Wife - I will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will
Close.
Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.
Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.
Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer.
I am lamp you are light
I am Coke you are Sprite
I am Sawan you are badal
I am Normal you are Pagal
I am Water you are Tanki
I am Tarzan you are Monkey.....PoOoOoH!!!
__________________________________________
TUSSI bade hi great ho,
RASGULLE ki plate ho,
PEPSI ka crate ho,
ANDE ka omlete ho,
E-mail KARNE ME bade late ho,
JALEBI ki tarah straight ho,
KHER jo bhi ho mere favorite ho...!
________________________________________
Aaj vo humse jannat mein takra gaye
Aaj vo humse jannat mein takra gaye
Aur humare dil se awaaz niklii....
Fiteh Mooh...Tusin Ethe vii aa gaye !!!
__________________________________________
Mere Dil, Jiger, Kidney, Liver Ho Tum
Waqt-Bewaqt Aaye Woh Fever Ho Tum
Doob Kar Jisme Marr Jau Woh River Ho Tum
Mere Jeevan Mein Ab To Forever Ho Tum...
___________________________________________
Aap Kya Jaano Hum Kitna Yaad Karte Hain
Maano Ya Na Maano Har Pal Fariyaad Karte Hain
Roz Khat Likhte Hain CARTOON NETWORK Ko
Aur Aapko Play Karne Ki Maang Karte Hain
_________________________________________
Shaam Hote Hi Yeh Dil Udaas Hota Hai
Toote Khwabo Ke Siwa Kuch Na Pass Hota Hai
Tumhari Yaad Aise Waqt Bohat Aati Hai
Bandar Jab Koi Aas-Paas Hota Hai
________________________________________
Teri Yaad Mein Humne Qalam Uthaayi
Liya Paper Aur Tasveer Aapki Banayi
Socha Tha Ki Usko Dil Se Laga Kar Rakhenge
Magar Woh To Bachcho Ko Daraane Ke Kaam Aayi
Gujrati Wives
Once 4 gujju wives met at a party talking about their husbands new
cellular phones....
First gujju wife says to others... "Maro pati ke pass mota
laura(motorola) che!....
Second gujju wife replies.."Aree sirf mota laura thi kya hoga?
errection(ERICSSON) chahiye!....
So the third gujju wife stepa up & says..."aree mota laura bhi thick
hai, errection bhi thick hai, Par semen(seimens) nahi to kya fayda?...
And then the fourth said..
"Mota laura bhi ho, errecson bhi ho, semen bhi ho, lekin na
kiya(nokiya) tho kya fayda??....
__________________
THE WORLD WITH WITHOUT A DESTINY.
What are the three fastest ways of communication?
Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman
What do u call a fat woman waiting?
Moti-vaiting.
What is the similarity between Mobile &Marriage?
Thode Din Aur Ruk Jata To Thoda Acha Model Mil Jaata!!
Why does sardarji open his lunch box while Walking on the road?
To Check if he is going to work or Coming Back.
Sardar Apni Wife Ke Sath Coffee Shop Gaya, hot Coffee order Ki, Coffee
Atte Hi wife Se Bola Jaldi Jaldi pee. Wife Boli Kyu?
Sardar Bola Hot coffe Rs. 5 and Cold Coffee Rs. 10.00
Sardarji went to party and introduced his family to his friends.
I am Sardar and this is sardarney,
this is my kid and this is my kidney
Sardar 2 Salesman, I Need Pink curtains for my computer.
Salesman Sardarji Computer Doesnt Need Curtains.
Sardarji: Oye i have windows installed
Nurse: Sardarji Mubarak Ho Aap Papa Ban Gaye!!
Sardar: Meri Wife Ko Mat Bolna Main Usse Surprise Dunga!!
Safed Sari Par Tum Lal Bindi Lagati Ho,
Bhagwan Kasam Ambulance Nazar Aati Ho,
Q: What’s red and goes up and down?
A: A tomato in an elevator.
Q: What did one tube of glue say to the other tube of glue?
A: We have to stick together.
Q: What do you say when you meet a two-headed monster?
A: Hello, hello.
Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldoser.
Q: When is a baseball player like a thief?
A: When he steals a base.
Q: What did the can say to the can opener?
A: You make me flip my lid.
Q: What is a volcano?
A: A mountain with the hiccups.
Q: What do you find at the end of everything?
A: The letter "g".
Q: What did the elephant do when he hurt his toe?
A: He called a toe truck.
Q: Why do two skunks argue?
A: Because they like to kick up a stink.
Q: What did the adding machine say to the cashier?
A: You can count on me.
Q: What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street?
A: Put them in a barking lot.
Q: Why did the cat sleep with a fan on?
A: He wanted to be a cool cat.
Q: What did the painter say to the wall?
A: One more crack and I’ll plaster you.
Q: Why is baseball like a cake?
A: They both need batters.
Q: What did one dandelion say to the other dandelion?
A: Take me to your weeder.
Q: What kind of shoes do you make with banana skins?
A: Slippers!
Q: What did the rug say to the floor?
A: I’ve got you covered!
Q: How do you make antifreeze?
A: You steal her blanket.
Q: Why does a cow wear a bell?
A: Because her horns don’t work
Last winter Bill Clinton was going for his jog when he noticed "Die Bill Clinton, Die" written in urine in the snow.
He asked the Secret Service to analyze it.
The Secret Service said that they had good news and they had bad news.
Bill said, "Give me the good news first."
"The good news is that it was Al Gores urine."
"What!", he exclaimed, "If that is the Good news, then what could be the bad?"
They replied "It was Hillary's hand writing."
An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice, "I have a gun and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!" The four men didn't wait for a second invitation, but got out and ran like mad, whereupon the lady, somewhat shaken, proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and get into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried and then it dawned on her why.
A few minutes later she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station.
The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale white males were reporting a car jacking by a mad elderly woman described as white, less than 5' tall, glasses, and curly white hair carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed
o there was these three guys on a train, national train.
One was russian, one was chinese, and one was a desi Indian.
The Russian guy sticks out his hand and says 'This is russia 'cuz its very cold!'
The Chinese guy sticks out his hand and says 'This mai friend is china, its got mild weather!'
Then the desi Indian guy, very determined, sticks out his hand and says 'Oye this is my India!' On asked how he knew he replied, 'Cuz my watch got stolen!'
This boy takes his girlfriend back to her home after being out
together, and when they reach the front door he leans with one hand
on the wall and says to her, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a
blowjob?"
"What? You're crazy???!!!"
"Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem."
"No!! Someone may see; a relative, a neighbor . . ."
"At this time of the night no one will show up."
"I've already said NO, and NO!"
"Honey, it's just a small blowjob . . . I know you like it too."
"NO!!! I've said NO!!!"
"Baby . . . don't be like that."
At this moment the younger sister shows up at the door in nightgown
with hair a mess, rubbing her eyes and says . . .
"Dad says either you blow him, I blow him, or he'll come down and
blow the guy himself, but for God's sake tell your boyfriend to
take his hand off the intercom."
A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn; the wife preferred to read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. The wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake so she rowed out, anchored the boat, and started reading her book.
Along comes the sheriff in his boat, pulls up alongside and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading my book," she replies as she thinks to herself, 'Is this guy blind, or what?'
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"But, Officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?" But you have all this
equipment, Ma'am. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that I will charge you with rape," snaps the irate woman. "I
didn't even touch you," grouses the sheriff.
"Yes, that's true....but you have all the equipment.
Never before had Sue looked in the box that her husband Fred kept under their bed. The box had been there for the past 20 years of their marriage but she had never invaded his privacy. One day, while cleaning, she decided to take a look in the box. She didn't figure it was anything he was hiding since she could have looked at it any other time but hadn't. In the box she found 3 eggs and 10 thousand dollars. This seemed very strange so she went to Fred and asked, 'Why are there 3 eggs in a box under our bed?'
He replied, 'Well, every time I was unfaithful to you, I put an egg in the box.'
Sue was surprised and hurt that he had been unfaithful but she consoled herself with the fact that they had been married for over 20 years and he had only been unfaithful 3 times. 'But where did the 10 thousand dollars come from?' she asked. 'Every time I got a dozen, I sold it.'
SOCIALISM: You have two cows. State takes one and give it to someone else.
COMMUNISM: You have two cows. State takes both of them and gives you milk.
FASCISM: You have two cows. State takes both of them and sell you milk.
NAZISM: You have two cows. State takes both of them and shoot you.
BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. State takes both of them, kill one and spill the milk in system of sewage.
CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Jab Paas Ho To Rukh Se, Nigahain Na Morna
Jab Dour Ho To Mera, Tasavvur Na Chorna
Aye Dost!!! Dil Lagane Se Pehle Ye Sonch Le
Mushkil Bahut Hai, Rishton Ki Zanjeerain hain Torna
Chehre pe haseen chaa jati hai
Aankhon main suroor aaa jata hai
Jab tum mujhe apna kahte ho
Apne pe ghuroor aa jata hai
Bikhri hui zulfoon ko girahgeer bana lo,
rakhna hai mujhe qaid to zanjeer bana lo
kaagaz pe lakeeren to bahut kheech le tumne,
ab sab ko mila kar meri tasveer bana lo
Kaun kehta hai mohabbat ki zuban hoti hain...
Yeh haqeeqat to nigahon say bayan hoti hain
Woh na aaye tou satati hai khalish see dil ko...
Woh jo aaye to khalish aur jawan hoti hain
Rooh ko shaad karey dil ko jo purnoor karey...
Har nazaaray mein yeh tanveer kahan hoti hain
Sabt-e-sehlaabay mohabbat ko kahan tak rokay...
Dil mein jo baat ho aankho say ayaan hoti hain
Zindagi ek sulgati see chita hai `Sahir'...
Shola banti hain na yeh bhuj kay dhuaan hoti hain
Kaun kehta hai mohabbat ki zuban hoti hain
Yeh haqeeqat to nikhaon say bayan hoti hain
Kaun kehta hai mohabbat ki zuban hoti hain...
Yeh haqeeqat to nigahon say bayan hoti hain
Woh na aaye tou satati hai khalish see dil ko...
Woh jo aaye to khalish aur jawan hoti hain
Rooh ko shaad karey dil ko jo purnoor karey...
Har nazaaray mein yeh tanveer kahan hoti hain
Sabt-e-sehlaabay mohabbat ko kahan tak rokay...
Dil mein jo baat ho aankho say ayaan hoti hain
Zindagi ek sulgati see chita hai `Sahir'...
Shola banti hain na yeh bhuj kay dhuaan hoti hain
Kaun kehta hai mohabbat ki zuban hoti hain
Yeh haqeeqat to nikhaon say bayan hoti hain
Dil ki baat dil mein na rahe
aankhon ke khwaab aankhon mein na rahe
Dil ki baat isi liye keh di aap ko...
Ke galti se aap kisi aur ke dil mein na rahe
tujh se bicharne ka khayal seh nahi paata
phir bhi dil ki baat keh nahi paata
kyun hain aakhir zindagi mein is qadr majbooriaan
maut bhi nahi aati, zinda bhi reh nahi paata
Mere Dil Main Koi Aawaz Ubhar Aati hai
Tere Hi Baal Bikhar Jaata Hain Diwaron Pe
Teri Hi Shakal Kitabon Main Nazar Aati Hai
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.
I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
This describes everything you are not.
I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face.
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
My feelings for you no words can tell
Except for maybe "Go To Hell".
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
TEACHER : Why are you late?
BALGOBIN : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
BALGOBIN : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Balgobin, why are you doing your math sums on the floor?
BALGOBIN : You told me to do it without using tables!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Balgobin, how do you spell "crocodile"?
BALGOBIN : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
BALGOBIN : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
BALGOBIN : "HIJKLMNO! "!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
BALGOBIN : Yesterday you said it's H to O!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Balgobin, go to the map and find North America.
BALGOBIN : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : Balgobin!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Balgobin, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
BALGOBIN : Me!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Balgobin, why do you always get so dirty?
BALGOBIN : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
BALGOBIN : Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER : I think so. What do you want me to write?
BALGOBIN : Your name on this report card.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
BALGOBIN : Don't bite any.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-**-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Balgobin, give me a sentence starting with "I".
BALGOBIN : I is...
TEACHER : No, Balgobin. Always say, "I am."
BALGOBIN : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of "COINCIDENCE?"
BALGOBIN : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree,
but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish
him?"
BALGOBIN : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
BALGOBIN : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
BALGOBIN : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Wh! at a pair of strange socks you arewearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!
BALGOBIN : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that
at home.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Now, children, if I saw a man beating adonkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
BALGOBIN : Brotherly love?
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Now, Balgobin, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
BALGOBIN : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Balgobin, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Di! d you copy his?
BALGOBIN : No, teacher, it's the same dog!
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
BALGOBIN : A teacher
One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he
saw Steven Spielberg.
As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks
for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people
bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here.
"The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who
bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese".
"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the
Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship. "Shocked, Spielberg
replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."
The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."
Some theories which Newton didn't tell
LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start
to move faster than the one you are in now.
LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease,
your nose will begin to itch.
LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least
accessible corner.
LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because
you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know
increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine
won't work, it will!
LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely
proportional to the reach.
THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.
LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your
boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is
cold.
A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."
She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer.
When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start."
This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, "Quick, another beer, it's gonna start any second."
"That's it!" She blows her top, "You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"
The husband sighed. "Oh shit, it's started"
abbar sends Kaalia and two others to Ramgad
to collect the loot-maar software he had ordered.
They reach Ramgad and start shouting: "Abe O thakur! Kahan hai woh loot-maar software?
Last date to kab ka nikal gaya".
Thakur [with anger]: "Chillao mat! jaakar Gabbar se kah do ki
Thakur Software walon ne paagal kutton ke liye software banana bund kar diya hai."
Kaalia: "Bahoot garmi dikha rahe ho thakur? Koi naye programmers hire kiye hain kya?"
Thakur: "Nazar uttha ke dekh, Kaalia, tere sar par powerbuilder chal raha hai."
Kaalia looks up and sees Viru (Dharmendra) working on a PC on one Water tank and
Jay (Amitabh) on another, using a laptop.
Kaalia Starts Laughing and says: "Ha ha... thakur ne freshers ko liya hai ye log Programming karenge? In ko to DOS commands bhi nahin aate."
Veeru shouts: "Chup-chaap chala ja kutte. Hum log consultants hain, Kuch bhi kar sakte hain."
Jay hits his keyboard,then says:"jaao kaalia, Gabbar se kahna ki uska server down ho gaya."
AT GABBAR'S DEN...
Gabbar: "Kitne bugs the?"
Kaalia: "Do sarkaar."
Gabbar: "Wo do! Aur tum teen. Phir bhi fix nahi kar sake?
Kya soch key aaye ho? Gabbar bahoot khush hoga?
Naya assignment dega ...aur increment bhi? Iski saza milegi... barobar milegi."
[Snatches an X terminal from Sambaa]. "Kitne sessions hain is machine mein?"
Sambaa: "Chhey sarkaar."
Gabbar: "Session chhey aur programmer teen. Bahoot naainsaafi hai." [logout - logout - logout].
"Haan ab theek hai... ab tera kya hoga" Kaalia?"
Kaalia: "Sarkaar, maine aapka code likha tha."
Gabbar: "To ab documentation kar!
Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he the column SEX. He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote THRICE A WEEK. On seeing this in his appln. form, he was told that it was wrong and what they wanted it to be filled was either MALE or FEMALE. Again our sardar thought for a long time before coming up with the answer PREFERABLY FEMALES.
==============================
An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called upon to test a lie detector . The Englishman says:
"I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer". BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"Ok", he says, "10 bottles".
And the machine is silent.
The American says: "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers".
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"Allright, 8 hamburgers".
And the machine's silent.
The Sardarji says:
"I think...",
BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.
==================================
A Sardarji finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask Bhagwan for help.
He goes into the temple and begins to pray........... "Oh Bhagwan, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto". Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.
The Sardarji goes back to the temple..................... "Bhagwan, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well". Lotto night comes and the Sardarji still has no luck!! Back to the temple..................
"My Bhagwan, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving.. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???".
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts open and the Sardarji is confronted by the voice of Lord: "SARDARJI, BUY THE DAMN TICKET FIRST".
======================================
Mallu Interview
A "Mallu" female (from the heart of Kerala) went for a job interview for the post of a SECRETARY. When the manager saw the Mallu's colorful attire and gold and well oiled uncombed jet black hair, his mind was screaming "Not This Woman." Nevertheless, he still had to entertain the Mallu.
So he told her, "If You could form a sentence using the words that I give you, then may be I will give you a chance! The words are GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE, WHITE, PURPLE and BLACK."
The enthusiastic Mallu lady thought for a while and said:
"I hear the phone GREEN GREEN GREEN, then I go and PINK up the phone,I say YELLOW..... BLUE's that? WHITE did you say? Aiye, Wrong number.. ... Don't PURPLELY disturb people and don't call BLACK, yokeeyy? Thank you."
The Manager fainted.....
===================================
Annoying Boy on Bus
A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.''
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.''
The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was a drunk and your mom was a prostitute?!''
The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!''
==================================================
Bush's Tragedy
One day, President Bush visited an elementary school. All the kids were so excited to get to meet the President. He began to talk to them and asked them to define the word ''tragedy.''
"Well," one girl replied, "If my mommy ran over my dog, Rover, that would be a tragedy!"
The President smiled at the little girl and said, "No, sweetie. That would be an accident! Can anyone give it a try?"
A little boy sitting across the room raised his hand and said, "I know! I know! If our bus driver ran off of a cliff and killed everyone!"
The President shook his head and said, "No son. That would be a great loss! Doesn't anyone know of a good example of a tragedy?"
A small girl raised her hand and said, "Well, Mr. President, if you and Laura were in Air Force One and it was hit by a missile and blown to smithereens, most people would think that that was a tragedy!"
"Very good," he said. "And what was your reason for that answer?"
"Well," she said, "It would not be an acident and it sure would not be a great loss
Gal to Banta: Kya shaadi k baad bi tum muje itna pyar karoge?
Banta: Kyon nahin? Mein to diwana hoon shadi-shuda aurton ka.
Santa goes to buy a underwear. On choosing one he asks: How much for this?
Shopkeeper: Rs 500
Santa: Arey bhai daily waer dikhaao, Party wear nahin chahiye.
Santa was standing in sun on a hot sunny day.
Banta asked: What are you doing?
Santa: Drying sweat
Jeeto: yelled at Santa: U're gonna b really sorry! I'm going to LEAVE you!
Santa: Make up ur mind! Which one is it gonna be?
Santa to Pappu: Where's Sukhna Lake?
Pappu: Pata nahi.
Santa: Kabhi ghar se bhi nikla karo.
Pappu: Who's Banta?
Santa: Pata nai.
Pappu: Kabhi ghar me bhi raha karo.
Pappu was writing his father's name on a 1000 Watt bulb.
Santa asked him: What are you doing?
Pappu: Aapka naam roshan kar raha hoon.
Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.
Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.
Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago, he hasn't come back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else.
A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out
Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?
Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aya hai.
Santa ke bagiche mein bahut sare ped - paude thay, Santa naukar ko bola ped-paudon ko pani dal.
Naukar: Sahab baarish ho rahi hai.
Santa: Abe to Chatri leke dal.
Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who r u? Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya
Banta asked Santa: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening?
Santa: Very simple, because he is PM not AM
A Chinese couple Mr & Miss Hua got twins without marriage. What did they named them?
They named them as 'Jo-Jua', 'So-Hua'
What did Tarzan think when he saw a dead Cheetah?
Wow! New Underwear.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho... Kuch nahi yaar bas aapki shakal yaad aa gayi!
It's the sweetest thing to do. Do it the bed, on a sofa, in the bathroom or anywhere! U must never stop doing it. It's called Prayer! God bless ur naughty mind.
Fill in the blank with yes or NO only.
_______I M NOT A Male.
Koi jaldi nahin hai, aaram se soch kar bata dena.
oses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
After you, my love, my only prize
Would be a bullet between my eyes
Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face
I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
This describes everything you're not
I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes --
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
Every time I see your face
I wish I were in outer space
I saw your face as you walked by
but then I saw a better guy
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life
Beauty is on the inside, but some may doubt,
it's true, I'd prefer you inside out.
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
parts vodka, one part lime
I see your face when I am dreaming
That's why I always wake up screaming
My love you take my breath away
What have you stepped in to smell this way
My feelings for you no words can tell
Except for maybe "go to hell"
Ladki boli :
Chandni chaand se hoti hai, sitaron se nahi,
Mohabbat ek se hoti hai, hazaaron se nahi.
Ladka bola :
Chandni agar chaand se hogi to sitaron ka kya hoga,
Mohabbat agar ek se hogi to hazaron ka kya hoga.
Chai mai patti nahi to chai ka kya maza .
Chai mai pati nahi to chai ka kya maza.
Collage mai ladki nahi to padna ka kya maza .
tir se na maro
patthar se mar do
bas ek tamanna hai
muskurake aankh mar do
TUM BAHOT HASIN HO,GULAB JAISI HO
BAHUT NAZUK HO KHWAB JAISI HO
HOTHO SE LAGAKAR PI JAU TUMHE
SIR SE PAU TAK SHARAB JAISI HO
Unki gali se guzre..ajeeb ittefaq tha
Unki gali se guzre..ajeeb ittefaq tha
Unho ne phool phenka..gamla bhi saath tha
kuch kuch hota hai
when i think about u
dil to pagal hai
what can i do
Side effects of alcohol ... and remedies
1. Symptom: Cold and humid feet.
Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the drink on your feet).
Cure : Maneuver glass until open end is facing upward
2. Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause: You're lying on the floor.
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.
3. Symptom: The floor looks blurry.
Cause: You're looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill with your favorite beverage.
4. Symptom: The floor is moving.
Cause: You're being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where they're taking you.
5. Symptom: You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause: You have your glass on your ear.
Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself!
6. Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive.
Cause: You're in an ambulance.
Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job.
7. Symptom: Your dad and all your brothers are looking at you funny.
Cause: You're in the wrong house.
Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house
Side effects of alcohol ... and remedies
1. Symptom: Cold and humid feet.
Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the drink on your feet).
Cure : Maneuver glass until open end is facing upward
2. Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause: You're lying on the floor.
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.
3. Symptom: The floor looks blurry.
Cause: You're looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill with your favorite beverage.
4. Symptom: The floor is moving.
Cause: You're being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where they're taking you.
5. Symptom: You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause: You have your glass on your ear.
Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself!
6. Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive.
Cause: You're in an ambulance.
Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job.
7. Symptom: Your dad and all your brothers are looking at you funny.
Cause: You're in the wrong house.
Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house
1 AM
android16
Junior Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: mumbai
Posts: 18
Best Jokes You Should Not Read
An elderly widow and widower were dating for about five years. The man finally decided to ask her to marry. She immediately said "yes". The next morning when he awoke, he couldn't remember what her answer was! "Was she happy? I think so, wait, no, she looked at me funny..." After about an hour of trying to remember to no avail he got on the telephone and gave her a call. Embarrassed, he admitted that he didn't remember her answer to the marriage proposal. "Oh", she said, "I'm so glad you called. I remembered saying 'yes' to someone, but I couldn't remember who it was."
************************************************** *******
Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.
"Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!"
"That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"
************************************************** ********
A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, "Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!"
So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. He says, "That's disgusting!"
Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting you should see him make donuts."
************************************************** ********
A young blind boy is being tucked into bed by his mother. The mom says "Now Billy, pray really hard tonight and tomorrow, your wish will come true!". Billy says, "Ok mommy." and goes to sleep. The next morning, Billy wakes up and screams "MOMMY! I'm still blind, my wish didn't come true!", the mom answered, "I know - April Fools!"
************************************************** ********
Bole to.. joke hai.
Read this in Tapori language of Munna Bhai:
Abey Circuit,
Apun ek short story sunaega...............
Julie aur Sulie do ben log rehta hai. Ben log maane.........judwaa.
Lekin dono main fark bole to solid. Julie ekdum Smart,
bole to jhakaas rapchik piece aur Sulie bole to ekdum halki re.
To kya hota hai maloom Sulie thee bachpan se, woh kya bolte hain
usko..Stubborn ..bole to ekdam yedi, jiddi.... rehti hai.
To julie jo bhi maangti hai na...Sulie ko woh maangta-ich hai.
Julie ko gudiya mili to Sulie ko bhi maangta tha...
Julie ko kangan mila to Sulie ko bhi mangta hai.....
Aisa karte karte bees saal guzar gaya.
To na, Julie ka shaadi ekdum karodpati ladka ke saath
hota hai. Aur Sulie ek fatichar funtoosh se shaadi banatha hai.
Shaadi ke baad Julie Fridge leti hai baap.
Sulie bhi pati se fridge maangtihai.
Pati salla bechara garibmanus.
Lekin biwi ko khush karne ke waaste woh Fridge khareed leta hai.
Abhi Julie agle mahine Air Conditioner khareed dalti hai.
Sulie bhi jidd karti hai baap.
Kya Bolti Malum: AC nahin liya to khud ko tapka daloongi.
Pati bechara aur paise markeet se udhaar leta hai aur
AC khareed leta hai........
Ab Julie car khareedti hai.
Suliebhi jidd karti hai.
Pati ka dimaag satak-ta hai lekin phir bhi saala karega kya,
baap ka zameen bech dalta hai aur gaadi khareedta hai.
Thode dinon ke baad Julie gaadi bech ke bus khareedti hai.
Sulie bhi jidd karti hai....
Abhi pati solid bhadakta hai baap.
Bolta hai "Ae item, ab dhimaag ka dahi mat bana..bahut ho gaya tera
natak. Abhi apun tera ek nahin sunega. Apun jaa rahela hai kya, yeda
samjha hai kya, To Sulie ko shorke woh chala jaata hai.
Sulie lekin apni gaadi bechkar aur paisa market se uthakar bus
khareed
leti hai......
To Julie aur Sulie apne apne bus main Ek din picnic ko jaata hai.
Bus ko park karke woh log ghoomne phirne ko jaata hai.
Wapas aake dekhta hai to saala dono bus main steering wheel
gaayab,seat
gaayab, gear gaayab...sab kuch ghayab!!
Sulie julie ko dekhti hai aur kuch to bolti hai...........
Abhi Ekdum simple koschan: Sulie Julie ko kya bolti
hai??
* * Ye tu bhol-na * * * * *
* * * Abe soch...... * * *
* * * dhimag kaam nahi kar rehla hai kya? * * *
* * * Haar maan gaya kya??? * * *
* * * Accha chal bolich dalta hoon: * * *
> > " NA KUCH TERE BUS MEIN JULIE........ NA KUCH MERE BUS MEIN..."
ae beedu log, apun ko gaali nahi dene ka kya ?,
aur apun ke upar gussa nai karne ka?
Apun ko bhi kisi ne yeh bhej kar apna bheja kharab kiya hai.
Tere ko lage to tu bhi kisi ka bheja kharab kar.
par apun ka nahi............samja kya.........!!!.
1. Emergency number: The Emergency Number worldwide for
Mobileis 112. If you find yourself out of coverage area of your
mobile network and there is an emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you and interestingly this number 112 can be dialed even while the keypad is locked. Try it out.
2. Locked the remote keys in the car? This may come in handy
someday. Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are home, call someone on your cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the other person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the phone on their end. Your car will unlock. Saves some one from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away and if you can reach someone who has the other remote" for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk). Editor's Note: *It works fine! We tried it out and it unlocked our car over a cell phone!"
3. Imagine your cell battery is very low, you are expecting
an important call and you don't have a charger". Nokia instrument comes with a reserve battery. To activate, key is *3370# Your cell
will restart with this reserve and your instrument will show a 50%
increase in battery. This reserve will get charged when you charge your cell next time.
Customer : Bhai kab se wait ker raha hoon khana abhi tak tayyar nahi howa?
Hotel Wala : Bhai sahab kahan tu 3 din pehlay se tayyar hai bas gharam ho raha hai.
2 Pagal
Pehla Pagal : Ager tum batao kay is Box mein kia hai tu ye anday tumhara
aur ager tum ye bata du kay ye kitnay anday hain tu 5 kay 5 tumharay aur
ager tum ye bata dogay ye kis kay anday hain tu wo morgi bhi tumhari.
Dosra Pagal : Yaar koi hint tu du.
Clever
Teacher : Which is more important to us, the sun
or the moon?
Pupil: Moon...
Teacher : Why?
Pupil : The moon gives us light at night when we
need it but the sun gives us light only in the day
time when we don't need it.
Germs
Teacher: What r the people of Turkey called?
Student: I don't know.
Teacher: They r called Turks, now What r the people of Germany called?
Student: They r called Germs.
Disney Password
My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes.
I noticed their Disney password was "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long.
"Because," my son explained, "they say it has to have at least four characters."
Promise me we are true friends
I am lamp you are light
I am Coke you are Sprite
I am Sawan you are badal
I am Normal you are Pagal
I am Water you are Tanki
I am Tarzan you are Monkey.....PoOoOoH!!!
-----------------------------------------------------
You r my sweet SONA
I don't want u 2 KHONA
I want a place in your heart's KONA
Otherwise i will start RONA
Atleast Good Morning to kar LONA
-----------------------------------------------------------
TUSI bade hi gr8 ho,
RASGULLE ki pl8 ho,
PEPSI ka cr8 ho,
ANDE ka oml8 ho,
E-mail KARNE ME bade le8 ho,
JALEBI ki tarah stra8 ho,
KHER jo bhi ho mere fevr8 ho...!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Mere Dil, Jiger, Kidney, Liver ho tum
waqt-bewaqt aaye vo fever ho tum
Doob kar jisme marr jayu vo River ho tum
Mere jeevan mein ab to forever ho tum...
---------------------------------------------------------------
Dil mein aansuyo ke mele hain
Tum bin hum bohat akele hain
Sab kuch chod kar tumeh e-mail karte hain
Dekho hum kitne vele hain
* vele = lazy (vele is a Punjabi word)
-------------------------------------------------------------
Someday u may lose ur hair.
u may lose ur teeth- ur money & even lose ur mind.
But 1 thing u will never loose is ur good looks.
coz u cant lose wot u don't have!
------------------------------------------------------
Aaj vo humse jannat mein takra gaye
Aaj vo humse jannat mein takra gaye
Aur humare dil se awaaz nikalii....
Fiteh Mooh...Tusin Ethe vii aa gaye !!!
-------------------------------------------------------------
When u feel sad....
To cheer up just go to the mirror and say,
"damn I am really so cute" u will overcome your sadness.
But don't make this a habit.....
Coz liars go to hell !!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Aap kya jaano hum kitna yaad karte hain
maano ya na maano har pal fariyaad karte hain
Roz khat likhte hain CARTOON NETWORK ko
aur aapko play karne ki maang karte hain....
waaaaahhhhhhhhh...
----------------------------------------------------
Shaam hote hii ye Dil udaas hota hai
Toote khwaboo ke siwa kuch na pass hota hai
Tumahri yaad aise waqt bohat aati hai
Bandar jab koi aas-paas hota hai..
---------------------------------------------------------
When the time comes for you to give your heart to someone make
sure that u select someone who will never break your heart coz
broken hearts have no spare parts.
--------------------------------------------
Teri yaad mein humne kalam uthaayi
liya paper aur tasveer aapki bnayi
socha tha ki unko dil se laga kar rakhenge
magar vo to bacho ko draane ke kaam aayi...
--------------------------------------------------
A good Friend is like a computer
he ENTERS in your life SAVE himself
in your heart,FORMATS all your troubles
and never DELETE you from his heart.
-----------------------------------------------
I see your face when I am dreaming
That's why I always wake up screaming
---------------------------------------------
Tum hoti to aisa hota, tum hoti to waisa hota
Tum is baat pe itna hasti, tum uss baat pe itna khush hoti,
Tum is baat pe ye kehti,tum uss baat pe wo kahati
shukar hai tum nahi ho!!!
--------------------------------------------------
Tumko dekha to yeh khyaal aaya
Tumko dekha to yeh khyaal aaya
Ki Paaglo ke stock mein Naya Maal Aaya
--------------------------------------------------
Umeedo ki manjil toot gayi
aankho se ashqo ki dhara beh gayi
are tumahri bhi kya izaat reh gayi
jab class ki ladki bhaiya keh gayi
This is a true incident which happened in a college. A new lecturer (also a Bihari professor) was unable to control the class. The guys were just talking without giving any attention to him. So he wanted to send a guy
who was creating most of the problem out. But he doesn't know how to put it in English.
He went near the guy. Shouted "follow me" .The guy followed him till he went out of the class. Now the lecturer turned back and again shouted
"Don't follow me" and went inside the class..........
Prof. Bihari
#Inside the Class :
----------------
* Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
* Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.
* Cut an apple into two halves - take the bigger half.
* Shhh...Quiet, boys...the principal just passed away in the corridor
* You, meet me behind the class. ( meaning AFTER the class )..
* Both of u three, get out of the class.
* Close the doors of the windows please .. I have winter in my nose today...
* Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver.....
* Take 5 cm wire of any length....
# About his family :
----------------
* I have two daughters. Both of them are girls...(?)
# At the ground :
-------------
* All of you, stand in a straight circle.
* There is no wind in the balloon.
# To a boy, angrily :
-----------------
* I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk ?
# Giving a punishment :
----------
* You, rotate the ground four times...
* You, go and under-stand the tree...
* You three of you, stand together separately.
* Why are you late - say YES or NO ....(?)
# Sir at his best :
------------
Sir had once gone to a film with his wife. By chance, he happened to see one of our boys at the theatre, though the boy did not see them.
So the next day at school... (to that boy) - " Yesterday I saw you WITH MY
WIFE at the Cinema Theatre."
bhole se bhi kisso na rulaana,
zindagi main sabko hasaana,
dushman ko bhi gale lagaana,
phir bhi koye gam ho tau
hamian yaad farmaana..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
hume apne dil main basaye rakhna,
harami yaadon ke chiraag jalaye rakhna,
bauhat lamba hai safar zindagi ka,
ek hissa humain bhi banake rakhna...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
zindagi main kuch na mila tau kya gum hai,
aapki dosti mili kya kam hai,
aapke dil main ek choti si jagah jo palu,
tau woh jagah tajal mahal se kya kam hai..
Ajub din the mohabbat ke
Ajab mausum the chahat ke
Kabhi agar yaad aajaye to palko peh sitare jhil milate hain
Kisi ki yaad main jagna mamol tha apna
Kabhi agar neend ajati to hum yeh soch lete the
Abhi to woh humhare waste roya nahi hoga
Abhi soya nahi hoga
Abhi hum bhi nahi rote
Abhi hum bhi nahi sote
So phir hum jagte aur us ko yaad kerte the
Akele beth kar Veeran dil abad karte the
Humare samne taaro ke jhurmat main akela chaand hota tha
Jo us ke husn ke aage bohat hi maand hota tha
Falak peh raqs karte unginat roshan sitaro ko
Jo hum tarteeb dete the
To us ka naam banta the
Hum agle rooz jab milte to guzri raat ki har bekali ka zikar karte the
Har ik qissa sunate the
Kahaan 'kis waqt' kis tarhan se dil 'dhurka' batate the
Main jub kehta keh " Sanaan ! aaj to main raat ko ik pal nahi soya"
To woh khaamosh rehti thi
Par us ki neend main doobi hue do jheel si aankhein
Achanak bol uth'ti thi
Main jab us ko batata tha
Ke "main ne raat main roshan sitaro main tumhara naam dekha hai"
To woh kehti
"Meer" ! tum jhoot kehte ho
Sitare main ne dekhe hain
Aur in roshan sitaro main tumhara naam likha tha"
Ajab masoom larki thi
Mujhe kehti thi
"Lagta hai ab apne sitare mil hi jayenge"
magar us ko khabar kiya thi
kinaare mil nahi sakte
Mohabbat ki kahani main
Mohabbat karne waloo ke
sitare mil nahi sakte
Osama sends letter to Bush
After numerous rounds of, "We don't even know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George W. a letter in his own hand writing to let him know he was still in the game. Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a coded message:
370H SSV-0773H
Bush was baffled, so he typed it out and emailed it to Colin Powell Colin and his aides had no clue either so they sent it to the CIA. No one could solve it so it went to the NSA and then to MIT and NASA and the Secret Service and to M15 in Britain. Eventually they asked South Africa's Scorpions for help. The Scorpions cabled the White House: "Tell the President he is looking at the message upside down."
__________________
THE WORLD WITH WITHOUT A DESTINY.
Dear My Sapno Ki Rani,
KYA KEHNA the first time I saw you, I asked my self HUM APKE HAI KAUN, feeling that KUCH KUCH HOTA HAI so I decided to forward you a PUKAR ! from DIL SE. I thought that by the way HUM TO MOHABBAT KAREGA...so with my DIL TO PAGAL HAI, I dream to be your HERO No.1 and I'll make you my BIWI No.1. You might think that I am fooling you as BADAL but remember JHOOT BOLE KAWA KATE. Please JANAM SAMJA KARO that PYAAR KOHI KHEL NAHIN and I admit that DIL DE CHUKE SANAM. I trust AAP MERE HAI SANAM. I believe that HUM APKE DIL MEIN REHTE HAIN for HAMESHA. Remember JAB PYAR KISSI SE HOTA HAI why not AA ABH LAUT CHALEIN and you can come SAAJAN KI BAHO MEIN. There is SIRF TUM in my life. If you say YES BOSS, then I will become your JORU KA GULAM. Don't worry be happy, DHOLI SAJA KE RAKHNA because DILWALE DULHANIYA LE JAYENGE.
Here is the REPLY of the letter...
DEAR DUSHMAN
Thank you for your love letter. However I feel HADH KUR DI AAPNE for HUM APKE HAI KAUN? DIL CHAHTA HAI, I should tell you I think you're a JAANWAR and a SHREE 420! I have to tell you I know your MOHABBATEIN are false. How dare you look at me you COOLIE No. 1! if you were here in front of me I'd hit you with my chapple so hard your head will spin with these YAADEIN. You said KUCH KUCH HOTA HAI every time you think of me but I know you feel HASEENA MAAN JAYEGEE to every girl you see. RAM JAANE what I'll do to you if I catch you. If you have any KHAUF you will feel DARR from me. You're a KUNWARA leading a RANGEELA lifestyle, with friends saying CHAL MERE BHAI spending all your nights on the SADAK . I am sure the SHOLAY in your heart you say burn for me is nothing but indigestion from too much eating and drinking. Describing yourself as BAADSHAH and HIMMUTVAAR! , you sound like JUNGLI to me. You say you want to make me your BIWI No. 1 however I say you lack INSANIYAAT! I cant believe you think I'll turn to you and say KAHO NA PYAR HAI! I'd much rather kiss a BICHOO than go near you! Any of AMER AKBAR ANTHONY would be better suited to me than you. DILWALE DULHANIYA LE JAYENGE you said but I say your DIL TO PAGAL HAI. Don't you realize that ANDAZ APNA APNA and that their cant be no EK RISHTA between us. We are like a MOHRA in the game of life and its always KABHI KHUSHI KABHI GHUM. The open FIZA with its changing weather is testament to that so please leave it as AKELE HUM AKELE TUM. Besides I'm already engaged to a guy with ROTI KAPRA AUR MAKAAN. He's no KHAL NAYAK like you. And he's my real HERO, my real JIVAN SAATHI. And with him I really know YEAH RAASTE HAI PYAR KE and there can be no space in my ZINDAGI for anyone but him. You'll only end up causing an AFLATOON because he's a MAJOR SAHAB in the Army working on the BORDER and he'll kill you if h! e finds out so save yourself from becoming the foundations of a DEEWAR so leave me alone
call centre jobs- Secret of their pay
CALL CENTRE JOBS: PEOPLE WONDER WHY THEY R PAID SO MUCH......FOR JUST
BEING ON THE PHONE.TAKE A LOOK:
1)
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer "No." Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have
done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2)
Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message.
" Tech Support:" Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
3).
Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
TechSupport:: "Tell me what you've done."
Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."!
Tech Support:: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer:: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support:: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer:: "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
4).
Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
TechSupport:: ?!%#$
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
5).
Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen,can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
6)
Tech Support:: "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer:: "A white one."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
7).
Tech Support:: "Type 'A:' at the prom pt."
>Customer:: "How do you spell that?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
8 )
Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"
Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
9).
Tech Support:: "What operating system are you running?"
Customer: "Pentium."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
10).
Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
11).Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."
12).Customer: "How do I print my voice mail?"
13).
Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
14).
Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
15).
Tech Support:: "What does the screen say now?"
Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support:: "Well?"
Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
16).
A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that this computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the probl em! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our Customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the
CONFIG.SYS.
Letme know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later.
User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told h im about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.
__________________
The only ONE
Mon to Sun, From Jan To Dec, From birth till my death, my feelings 4 u have never changed. For me, you've always been a headache!
• Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who r u? Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya
• Banta asked Santa: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening?
Santa: Very simple, because he is PM not AM
• An Englishman and Santa inside the toilet.
Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?
Santa: Gud evening, we open the zip and do.
• Banta ped pe chada to upar baithey Bandar ne poocha: Upar kyon aaya?
Banta: Apple khane.
Bandar: Yeh to aam ka ped hai.
Banta: Pata hai, Apple saath laya hoon.
• Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write against mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long!
• Santa falls in luv with a nurse... After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: "I luv u sister."
• Jeeto: If I die what'll you do?
Santa: I may also die.
Jeeto: Why?
Santa: Some time too much of happiness can also kill a man.
• Santa went out to buy an Indian flag. The shop owner gave him the flag. Guess what did he ask next...
Ismein aur colour dikhayiye.
• Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.
The shopkeeper asked: Exide laga du?
Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?
• Banta: Marte waqt aadmi ko kya dena chahiye?
Santa: Birla cement.
Banta: Kyun?
Santa: Kyunki is Cement mein jaan hai.
• Dress code 4 a party - BLACK TIES ONLY.
Banta goes for the party & is surprised to see that the other guests are wearing SUITS also!
• Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What'll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Santa: I think I'll take the money.
• Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u?
Banta: Me too, after u leave.
• Q: How do you recognize Santa's son, Pappu, in School?
A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.
• Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Banta: Santa u'll die.
Santa: U'll die bcoz haven’t u heard train is coming on platform?
• Santa & Banta got tired of mobile & decide 2 use pigeons. 1day a pigeon reaches Banta without message. Angry Banta calls Santa!
Santa: Oye, this was a missed call.
• Banta: Name the 3 fastest means of communication.
Santa: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman
• Santa: I’m a proud father. My son is in medical college.
Banta: What’s he studying?"
Santa: He's not studying, they are studying him!
• At a football match ground. Santa: Ye log ball nu foot kyun maar rahe ne?
Boy: Goal karan lai.
Santa: Paar ball tan pehlan hi gol hai hor kinni gol karangey.
• Q: A Man asked Santa, "Akal badhi ya bhains? "
A: Santa bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."
• Q: Why was Santa writing the exam near the door?
A: Because it was an entrance exam.
• Santa: My mother-in-law was bitten by a mad dog!
Banta: Oh! That’s terrible.
Santa: Yes, it was sad to watch the dog die in convulsions."
• Jeeto: U tell a man something, it goes in one ear & comes out of the other.
Santa: U tell a woman something, it goes in both ears & comes out of the mouth.
• Santa and Jeeto were on an African Safari when a lion sprang out of nowhere & draged Jeeto with his jaws.
Jeeto: Shoot him, Shoot him!
Santa: I can't. I ran out of film.
Sardarji at a car garage-
Sardarji- "O' ji battery change karma hai"
Mechanic- "EXIDE lagaa dun?"
Sardarji- Kyon, doosraa side tera baap lagaayegaa?
Midget
There was a midget (little person) down in Texas whose testicles ached
almost all the time. The midget went to the doctor and told him what
the problem was.
The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The
midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up onto the examining
table, and started to examine him. The doc put one finger under his
left one and told the midget to turn his head and cough -- the usual
method to check for a hernia.
"Aha!" mumbled the doc, and putting his finger under the right one, he
asked the midget to cough again.
"Aha!" said the doctor and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip,
snip, snip, snip on the right side then snip, snip, snip, snip, snip,
snip, on the left side.
The midget was so scared he was afraid to look so he stared at the
ceiling, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt. Then
the doctor then told the midget to get dressed and see if they still
ached.
The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around the doc's
office and discovered his groin area was no longer aching.
The midget said "Perfect, Doc, and I didn't even feel it... What did you do?"
The Doctor replied, " I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots."
Karachi Airport
A British Airways flight was going to Karachi from
London. When it gets close to Karachi it starts
having some kind of trouble. The pilot contacts the
air tower at Karachi airport and asks for help:
"Karachi, this Captain Smith, British Airways flight
000, do you read?"
"flight 000, dis iz Karachi felight contorol, go
ahead"
"Karachi, this is flight 000, we have a problem"
"dis iz Karachi, vat kind of peroblem?"
"this is flight 000, we have lost power to our
engines, please advise"
"dis iz Karachi, i reed you, peleez check some things
for me, ok?"
"this is flight 000, go ahead"
"dis iz Karachi, can you get emergency pover to your
engines?"
"this is flight 000, negative, no power is available"
"dis iz Karachi, can you peleez bering your altitutde
to 20,000 feet?"
"this is flight 000, negative, our wing controls do
not respond"
"dis iz Karachi, can you peleez see if you can lower
your veels?"
"this is flight 000, negative, landing gears are
stuck"
"dis is Karachi, vould you peleeze repeet thez words
after me"
"this is flight 000, go ahead"
"dis iz Karachi, repeat thez words peleeze: Ashhadu an
Lailaha illallah wa ashhadu anna Muhammadur rasulullah
.... "
Ajit calls Robert and Julia in the presence of the rest of the gang
members all around.
Ajit: Robert !!!! Apne kapde utaaro.....
Robert: Nahin boss mujhe sharam aati hai.....
Ajit: Kapde nahin utaare toh tumhe duniya se utaar diya jaayega.....
Robert hesitatingly takes off all the clothes and stands
Ajit: Julia !!!! Tum bhi kapde utaaro warna tumhe goli maar
doonga..... Juila fearing the worst takes off all the clothes and
stands among other gang members.
Ajit: Robert aur Julia ab tum dono ek doosre ke kareeb aao..... Both
hesitatingly come closer.
Ajit: Ab itne kareeb aao ke tum dono ke beech mein koi distance na
rahe..... Both Julia and Robert embrace each other tightly(both are
nude)
Ajit (Laughing loudly...ha ha ):Bahut dino se tamanna thi ki Julia
Roberts ko nude dekhoon !!!
John and Mike are in bed together and John is fcuking Mike hard in the
arse without a condom when he says 'I've got AIDS.'
Mike shudders and says, 'Have you?!?!'
To this John replies 'No, not really, I just like the way your arse
tightens up when I say it.'
George W. Bush begins his speech to open the Olympic Games.
"Ooooooo! Ooooooo! Ooooooo! Ooooooo! Ooooooo!"
An aide comes over and whispers: "Ahem, Mr President, those are the
Olympic rings.
Your speech is underneath."
A shy and introvert man goes out with his wife to a friends place.
Husband is quiet throughout the visit.
Wife comes home and berates him " Kuch to baat karni chahiye. Kitna
kharaab laga hoga "
Next day they visit one of their wife's friend.
Husband is again quiet while wife chatters with her friend who is
nursing a small baby.
Wife nudges the husband to make him talk.
Husband looks at the baby and says "Kyon beta, akele akele"
Bob, a 60 year old extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country
Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year-old blonde
who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm
who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word.
His buddies at the club are all aghast. They corner him and ask, "Bob,
how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?"
Bob replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!"
They're knocked over, but continue to ask. "So, how'd you persuade her
to marry you?"
Bob says, "I lied about my age." His friends respond, "What do you
mean? Did you tell her you were only 50?"
Bob smiles and says, "No, I told her I was 90."
Osama-bin-Laden had traveled into town after several weeks in the
desert with his trusty camel. The camel had been his sole companion
for years but eventually, time had slowed the poor beast down.
Laden was considering getting a new camel when he saw a sign outside of a store:
WE MAKE YOUR CAMELS TRAVEL FASTER. GUARANTEED OR YOUR MONEY BACK!
He looks at his camel and decides to give it a shot. He goes in the
store with his camel and the vendor asks him," What can I do for you?"
"Well, friend" Laden replies, "I noticed your sign and I'm interested
in your help. You see my camel's been slowing down a bit and I don't
really want to trade him in for a new one."
The vendor says, "That won't be necessary here. We make your camels
run faster. It's guaranteed."
"OK Let's do it."
The vendor says, "Please pull your camel over this way onto the platform."
While Osama is steadying his camel onto the platform, the vendor
disappears into another room and returns with two large bricks.
"Stand back," he cautions Laden.
The vendor goes behind the camel with bricks in hand, and smashes the
camel's balls. The camel runs out of the place like a bat out of hell.
"Wow!," said the Taliban man, "That's the fastest I've seen him run in
years! But how am I going to reach him now?"
The vendor says with a smile, "Please step onto the platform, sir."
bhole se bhi kisso na rulaana,
zindagi main sabko hasaana,
dushman ko bhi gale lagaana,
phir bhi koye gam ho tau
hamian yaad farmaana..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
hume apne dil main basaye rakhna,
harami yaadon ke chiraag jalaye rakhna,
bauhat lamba hai safar zindagi ka,
ek hissa humain bhi banake rakhna...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
zindagi main kuch na mila tau kya gum hai,
aapki dosti mili kya kam hai,
aapke dil main ek choti si jagah jo palu,
tau woh jagah tajal mahal se kya kam hai..
Ajub din the mohabbat ke
Ajab mausum the chahat ke
Kabhi agar yaad aajaye to palko peh sitare jhil milate hain
Kisi ki yaad main jagna mamol tha apna
Kabhi agar neend ajati to hum yeh soch lete the
Abhi to woh humhare waste roya nahi hoga
Abhi soya nahi hoga
Abhi hum bhi nahi rote
Abhi hum bhi nahi sote
So phir hum jagte aur us ko yaad kerte the
Akele beth kar Veeran dil abad karte the
Humare samne taaro ke jhurmat main akela chaand hota tha
Jo us ke husn ke aage bohat hi maand hota tha
Falak peh raqs karte unginat roshan sitaro ko
Jo hum tarteeb dete the
To us ka naam banta the
Hum agle rooz jab milte to guzri raat ki har bekali ka zikar karte the
Har ik qissa sunate the
Kahaan 'kis waqt' kis tarhan se dil 'dhurka' batate the
Main jub kehta keh " Sanaan ! aaj to main raat ko ik pal nahi soya"
To woh khaamosh rehti thi
Par us ki neend main doobi hue do jheel si aankhein
Achanak bol uth'ti thi
Main jab us ko batata tha
Ke "main ne raat main roshan sitaro main tumhara naam dekha hai"
To woh kehti
"Meer" ! tum jhoot kehte ho
Sitare main ne dekhe hain
Aur in roshan sitaro main tumhara naam likha tha"
Ajab masoom larki thi
Mujhe kehti thi
"Lagta hai ab apne sitare mil hi jayenge"
magar us ko khabar kiya thi
kinaare mil nahi sakte
Mohabbat ki kahani main
Mohabbat karne waloo ke
sitare mil nahi sakte
Funny SMS/ Text Messages
Galiloeo:- Great Mind,Einstein:- Genius Mind,Newton :- Extraordinary MindMe:- MasterMind,YOU:- Never Mind!
So Sweet is your SMILE,So Sweet is your STYLE,So Sweet is your VOICE,So Sweet is your EYE,see! ..........how Sweetly I Lie!
A baby fish asked her mother:- Y can't we live on earth?Mother Fish:- Earth is not the place for FISH, it's made for SELFISH.
Husband asks,Do u know the meaning of WIFE?It means...Without Information Fighting Evrytime!WIFE on hearing this says,it could also mean - With Idiot For Ever.
I am a killer..,I kill people for money...... But because you are my friend, So I'll kill you for nothing!!
A mobile is like women :-Talks non-stop,Costs a fortune,Disturbs when your busyAnd when U need them urgently, they have no service.
